Two terrible things happen when you become a manager:
- People start listening to you.
- People stop talking to you.
When you’re a manager, people start listening to you. That sounds great, right?
Except what you say isn’t what people hear.
Your team searches for meaning in every word and omission. Did you make an off-hand remark about a product improvement? What was, to you, a forgotten idea the moment you left the conversation becomes a top priority for that engineer you spoke with.
The higher you rise, the worse this problem becomes. Once, I worked for a senior leader in charge of product direction. My peers and I proposed a new strategy. She told us to improve it. Yet instead of looking for ways to make our strategy better, we fixated on what we thought she wanted from us. We were looking for answers in her words rather than in our heads. This didn’t end well.
When you’re a manager, people stop talking to you. And you might not notice it.
Your direct report will give status updates. He might even talk about career growth in your 1:1s. But his fear that the project is months behind and it’s his fault? The sense that this company is no longer right for him? No one wants to bring this news to “the boss”.
Just when you’re in the position where you need information the most, the well dries up.
How do you fix this?
Build an alliance. Work with your peers to develop an information network. Fill in the gaps with the help of trusted allies.
Build trust. Show that you care about your team. Listen with curiosity, and encourage their questions.
Ask. If you don’t ask about an employee’s well-being or satisfaction with their job, you won’t hear about it. Ask difficult questions to show you want to hear the answers.
When you become a manager, communicating becomes harder. Once you realise that, you can take action to keep the information flowing. Listen with curiosity. Ask without judgement. Build trust so you can hear what needs to be said.