One big mistake leaders make is assuming they have all the answers. Leaders can launch headfirst into the wrong course of action despite information that would caution them against it. Yet there’s another reason why this assumption is dangerous: when you have all the answers, you don’t ask questions. You can’t hear what isn’t spoken.
Leaders who lack curiosity miss what people want to say.
Your instinct may be to respond to every question with an answer. This can be dangerous. Fortunately, you can take a simple step to interrupt that line of thinking. Next time a peer, direct report, or mentee asks you a question, respond with a simple question: “What’s the question behind the question?“
Asking the question behind the question.
The question behind the question is the real reason for your conversation. What does your peer want when she asks about a new product feature? She might want information to update some marketing copy. But what if she’s concerned that an important customer will churn if this feature doesn’t work for them? Or perhaps she’s heard the project is delayed and wonders whether she’ll need to communicate this to customers.
Without curiosity, you cannot uncover these questions and find solutions. By asking for the question behind the question, you can.
Next time a peer, direct report, or mentee asks you a question, use this expression verbatim: “What’s the question behind the question?” If you meet with confusion, explain what you mean—that you want to understand what led them to ask you that question.
More generally, face questions with curiosity. Consider why people ask the questions they do. Take their perspective. Ask questions to validate or invalidate your assumptions. The more you ask, the more shared understanding you can build.
Why ask the question?
Once you start responding to questions with curiosity, a few things happen.
By asking for the question behind the question, you encourage your team to speak up. When you probe for understanding, you demonstrate that you value what others think.
Asking questions allows you to spend time on the right things rather than what you assumed were right. The truth may eventually be revealed, but you can accelerate the process by searching for it.
Finally, you uncover information that would otherwise be left unsaid, creating a culture where others do the same.
Uncover what would be left unsaid.
How often have others left their conversation with you without saying all they wanted? Perhaps your direct report shared a problem, and you provided a solution without exploring the situation. Or you were busy and answered your co-worker in the fewest words possible. In these cases, you both miss out on what was left unsaid. Asking questions allows the unspoken to become spoken. And this also helps to create a culture of curiosity.
Asking for the question behind the question creates a culture of curiosity. When you role model curiosity, others follow. When you show it’s okay to slow down and ask questions, people notice.
Encourage speaking up.
The relationship between you—the manager— and your team members has an inherent power imbalance. You control their paycheck, after all. This imbalance creates a barrier to open communication. You can close this power distance by asking questions instead of always having answers.
By asking for the question behind the question, you demonstrate that you are interested in the other person and their opinions. Not only does this improve engagement and commitment, but it also makes for better decisions. Multiple perspectives allow you to make trade-offs and strategic choices. The more information you have, the better informed are your decisions. And this will enable you to spend your time on the right things.
Spend your time on the right things.
Acting on assumptions is often wasteful. Consider a mentoring conversation. When people come to me for mentoring, they ask for my advice. I get asked, “How would you deal with a difficult co-worker?”. And so I share how I’ve dealt with these situations. I provide tips, tricks, and theories on handling difficult conversations. After I finish my monologue, my mentee looks at me, more confused than when we had started. I’ve spent the past five minutes answering the wrong question.
When you answer without asking, you assume you know what the other person wants. My mentee may be an expert in dealing with difficult conversations, and what he was really after was learning how to coach his direct report through such difficulties. I could have given coaching advice. Instead, I gave generalities he already knew. By asking questions first, I could have spent my time providing answers that mattered.
When someone asks you a question at work, don’t rush to give an answer. Instead, ask what’s behind it. Leaders who approach conversations with curiosity unlock deeper insights, build stronger relationships, and make better decisions. The simplest way to understand others is to ask for the question behind the question.